Is it possible to have a threesome and yet have a healthy relationship?

 Is it possible to have a threesome and yet have a healthy relationship?

 

Group sex may be exhilarating. That's why they're such a popular fantasy. Bringing in a third person during sexy time, on the other hand, can alter relationship dynamics.

 

Attempting a three-way doesn't always mean you're inviting disaster. However, it does have the potential to make things strange or go wrong.

 

But threesomes may be a whole new way to broaden your sexual repertoire as long as you're both all in, you've developed a good foundation of trust and communication, and you all respect the safety of everyone participating.

 

Here's how to determine whether a threesome is suited for you and, if so, how to get started.

 

Whether or not to threesome

If your relationship isn't stable, you aren't clear on why you want to bring someone else on board, or you don't take the time to be on the same page as your partner — and your third wheel — things can soon become uncomfortable.

 

Let's be honest: "Threesomes can impact a relationship permanently," says Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist. It's critical to realize that if you see your partner having sex with someone else, there's no turning back, she says.

 

So, before you give the concept the green light, take some precautions.

 

Have a serious discussion

Before you even start looking for a third player, Paul Joannides, PsyD, author of "The Guide to Getting It On," recommends being clear with yourself — and your partner — about why you want to have a threesome in the first place.

 

Do you have a shared fantasy that you feel confident exploring together? Are you willing to undertake a triathlon as well? Or is one of you merely doing it to impress the other — or to save the relationship?

 

Clarifying why you want to be a part of a threesome not only helps you discover the proper number three, but it can also help you feel more grounded going into the venture — and thus less likely to feel guilty if things don't go as planned, according to Joannides.

 

Stop right there if you're only doing it for your partner's pleasure or to spice up a stale relationship, he says.

 

If there are current problems in your partnership, a trio could bring them to light. Furthermore, there are several methods for couples to get kinky without involving the complexity of another person.

 

Consider your threesome desires and nightmares.

Marin claims that it's nearly difficult not to feel jealousy at some point during a threesome.

 

Prepare for the worst-case scenario, such as witnessing your lover gaze longingly into the eyes of a third wheel in that specific manner you thought they only gazed at you.

 

Marin suggests envisioning the entire thing ahead of time to avoid freaking out when everyone's clothes come off. "Imagine your partner kissing or touching someone else. Or how they could appear getting someone else off."

 

Consider the potential that you or your significant other will fall in love with the third person.

 

"Talk to your partner ahead of time about some of the things you think will go well and some of the things you hope will go badly," Joannides advises. "You and your spouse will be better equipped to deal with unexpected this way."

 

Can't manage any of the scenarios listed above? It might not be the appropriate moment — or the right relationship — to start a threesome.

 

Still interested (and safe) enough to invite a third? A few rules can assist all parties involved to achieve maximum satisfaction while minimizing turmoil.

 

Identifying your third party

3nder and other apps specialize in threesome connections. In addition, several traditional dating sites offer alternatives for polyamorous couples looking for new partners.

 

Joannides recommends avoiding friends and former partners when looking for someone online or offline.

 

There's no need to relive old wounds from broken plans — or make things irreparably awkward with a friend because you'll never unsee their "O" expression.

 

Make sure you and your spouse have sexual chemistry with the third wheel, Joannides advises. A threesome will not be fun for everyone if one individual is simply not interested.

 

Consider getting coffee or a snack with your third before engaging in three-way action to ensure a solid rapport.

 

establishing three ground rules

Marin believes that boundaries are essential when exploring the terrain of group sex. Unfortunately, many people skip this step. Your threesome fantasy may be significantly different from the images in your partner's head.

 

Who is permitted to have sexual relations, make out with, or provide oral and manual stimulation to whom?

 

"Discuss with your spouse what you're comfortable with and what you're not," Joannides advises. Talk to your third party ahead of time about their consent for specific actions.

 

Preferences may mean that intercourse is completely off-limits in some situations. One person may want to simply observe. Or maybe you and your lover just want someone to watch your sexual exploits.

 

Whatever your thing(s), no preference, big or small, should go unspoken. Communication assists in keeping everyone safe.

 

"And once you're in the moment, make sure you respect the boundaries you set up ahead of time," Marin advises.

 

"If you're really unclear about what you want to do," Joannides adds, "it's probably not the best moment for a threesome."

 

Maintaining everyone's safety during a threesome

Threesomes can go wrong in a variety of ways. That is why, before play, safety procedures should be in place.

 

If your third player is a stranger, for example, get a hotel room rather than invite them to your home. Also, avoid drugs and alcohol so that everyone has a clear head and unequivocal consent.

 

Also, keep in mind the significance of security. Never presume that a person is free of sexually transmitted illnesses (STIs).

 

Joannides advises keeping plenty of condoms and lubrication on hand. When moving from one partner's penetration to another, or from the rear entrance to the front door, switch condoms.

 

Marin believes that everyone engaging in a threesome — or any sexual activity, for that matter — has the right to stop at any time, for whatever reason.

 

She emphasizes that the couple and third person must have a safe word as well as a strategy for what to do if things get crazy.

 

Does "doorstopper" imply that the third party must leave? That everyone needs to take a break and cuddle? Or is it possible that one of the parties involved simply requires a break?

 

Marin explains that the plan will vary based on who is involved, but everyone needs to know what to expect when the safe word is pronounced.

 

Maintaining proper threesome etiquette

"Many couples can be so focused on their relationship and their own boundaries that they forget about the third person," Marin explains.

 

Joannides advises paying attention to your third's boundaries and needs as well. This includes thinking about how they will get home.

 

Also, don't forget to express your gratitude after the fact. Even if you don't plan on repeating the experience, Joannides suggests sending flowers, a card, or a thank-you text, email, or phone call.

 

Following the action, have a one-on-one discussion with your partner to compare your particular perspectives on how things went down. Maintaining open lines of communication about your experience will help you feel confident and comfortable.

 

A discussion can also help you define new ground rules for future fun if you ever attempt a sequel.

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