Is Having Sex With a Friend Ever a Good Idea?




Friendships offer so much color to our lives, allowing us to find comedy and possibility in times of adversity and cheering us on at times of celebration and transition. We tell stories over meals and fill our days with laughter and like-mindedness, adding to the family we may or may not have. So what happens when you develop feelings for one of your confidantes? Is Will having sex friend damage your friendship?

Some may argue that casual lovemaking with a familiar person gives a safe sexual outlet while allowing both parties to live freely and unattached. There's no need to roll out the red carpet for romantic gestures, and you're not required to explain your plans or whereabouts. And, while the two pals may lean into each other for an unplanned New Year's kiss, the expectation isn't there—or is it?

If you're thinking about falling into bed with one of your friends, keep reading. We collaborated with a few specialists to dissect the plethora of risks lurking behind the smokescreen of the illusive friends with benefits dynamic, as well as some friendly ground rules to follow. But beware: your no-strings-attached pact may result in more baggage than you realize…

Before you consider having sex with a friend, it's important to understand the distinction between platonic and romantic relationships.

Dr. Jenn Mann, psychologist, VH1's Couples Therapy with Dr. Jenn, and author of The Relationship Fix, believes there is already significant overlap between the two sorts of relationships, which is why "friends with benefits" entanglements are frequently breeding grounds for confusion. Because the distinctions are so easily blurred, two people can see the same scenario in quite different ways.

"A solid connection is required to have a great friendship." The same is true for having a wonderful romantic connection. Both dynamics entail checking in on each other, showing up for one another, and coming to know more intimate aspects of one another. "The key distinction between the two is romantic and sexual engagement, which is why 'friends with benefits scenarios can be confusing for at least one of the persons involved, and why it tends to work out for only about five minutes in most circumstances," explains Dr. Mann.

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