I'm straight, but when I'm with my boyfriend, I fantasize about having sex with women.

 I'm straight, but when I'm with my boyfriend, I fantasize about having sex with women.

Most individuals are bothered or perplexed by their fantasies, so let me begin by addressing fantasizing in general: it is natural, frequent, and healthy. All it indeed implies is that you're imagining a lesbian sex scene in your thoughts. It generates a new type of excitement at the moment, and many people love that extra stimulation. It's also crucial to know that fantasizing about things you wouldn't necessarily want to try in real life is frequent and normal.

 

That's why imagining is so enjoyable at times - you know you'd never do that in real life. The same is true for non-sexual desires, such as wishing to be famous but knowing you could never deal with the paparazzi, social media harassment, and constant pressure. So it's perfectly fine if you fantasize about ladies but don't want to be with one in real life. It’s also one of the most popular dreams women have. (However, if you've ever been thinking about hooking up with another lady, you should know that it's completely normal and healthy. If you are experiencing difficulty allowing yourself to be attracted to different genders, you should consult with a sex therapist or counselor.)

 

When it comes to fantasizing about someone else when with a spouse, there are a few crucial considerations to consider.

 

First, are you actually desiring something different from yourself or your spouse at the time you're fantasizing? For example, if your spouse is going incredibly hard and fast, you might fantasize about someone caressing you more softly and tenderly. At that time, fantasizing may be a strategy for you to avoid approaching your partner for what you need or desire. Maybe you're too nervous or self-conscious to give your spouse feedback or make a request. If that's the case, I strongly advise you to speak up more often when you're with your partner.

 

The second question to ask is whether your fantasy is keeping you from being with your partner in the way you want to be at that time. Consider how imagining impacts your ability to be present. Is your dream only a minor scenario that you're watching in the background, or does it take your complete attention and drag you away from the moment with your boyfriend?

 

Then consider how it relates to the type of sex you want to have. For example, if you and your boyfriend are still quite casual, and sex is light and enjoyable, losing yourself in a fantasy for a little while is not a big problem. But, if you and your partner are enjoying very meaningful, personal sex, can you show up in the way you want to show up while fantasizing? Is it fantasy that gets in the way? I want to be clear that there are no judgments here; it all comes down to you being honest about the type of sex you want to have and whether or not thinking about someone else keeps you from having it.

  If you are looking for motivation to enhance your sexual drive.

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